I'm depressed again

When I was in High School I had depression. It was like I was in a dark hole that I couldn't get out of. And even though I never really recuperated I began to feel a little less depressed each day and one day I noticed that I no longer felt like I was in a deep hole. And then college started...

I am currently in my fourth year and I am going to graduate this semester. And even though I should be happy, I feel like shit. I've always had problems with transitions, and I guess this will not be the exception. I feel like I'm back in that hole, but now its deeper and darker then ever. I feel so pathetic. I should know how to get over this since I have already been through it, but I feel lost again. I feel so alone.

I went to see a therapist the other day and she asked me if I had any friends that I could talk to about how I'm feeling, and I said that I didn't. Then she asked if I had any friends, and I said "no." She looked at me and said "that's sad." I said, "I've gotten use to it." Then she looked at me like she was about to cry and said, "that's even sadder."

I was telling the truth. I've gotten used to being alone. I've been depressed for so long, so pathetic, so friendless, so alone, that it almost no longer bothers me. This is my life now.

except, every once in a while, in a night like this, I realize that I'm in that hole and I cry. I cry because I don't really want to be in this hole. And then I cry some more because I know that I will be...for the rest of my life. Alone.